Revolted

Why I feel like I´m the only person that´s alone in this disgraced world???...What makes me the most disgusting man in the whole universe???....If I was supposed to repopulate the planet....I guess Earth would be a uninhabited place..No one in this amazing big rounded planet cares if I´m alive....How many times have I asked a girl for a date?.....I have lose sight of how many NO I´ve got for answer....but the worse is that they don´t have the guts to say a staight NO...they all make an excuse...like: I must take care of my little brother tonight.....or...I have a party to go....or even....I don´t feel like going out!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!.....Of course my life was different a little time ago....I did had a girlfrien back in 1999....the most precious and sweet girl that I have ever met....Bárbara is her name....we met at the school...as class partners....at that time...I didn´t pay much attention to girls....I was more focused in my studies...but she...everyday after school...she come next to me....and tried to talk to me...I wasn´t very shy that time...so we came to kno each other very well...and startes caring about each other.....the rest of this history....is a normal teenager´s relationship...but back to the important subject.....WHAT´S WRONG WITH ME???? What people sees on me that keeps them away from me?...or maybe it´s something that people sees that´s missing...I think I will never know....sometimes...I come to find myself thinking about taking my life away.....with a stron poison...or maybe a quick stab at my heart...I don´t know...´cause I don´t think anyone would miss me....I really can´t remember anyone doing something good to me...something nice....I think I did something extremely bad in my past life....like killing someone´s beloved...or someone´s parents....that´s another thing I shall never know....now...if you read until here...and have seen my other posts...you must be asking yourself why I wrote this text in english...and not in portuguese...that is my natural language...well...the answer is quite simple....I am nervous!...that´s it...that´s the only possible explanation....I can´t control myself!....if I´m to nervou...I will start doing something strange...like....bite my fingernails...or....rub the back of my hands...or....like now...start speaking or writing in english....because that´s me...and it is likely that I´m never going to change....unless a girl try to change my way of living.....which is never going to happen too....so...if you had the pacience to read until here...I thank you....and if you are a girl....I´m totally available...probable for the rest of my disgraced life.....

Good day for you,
The Dammed.